Faith

Many times when I’m in the chapel, I’m not “praying”

“Praying” in quotes in the title.

So, I like hanging out in the chapel. I think you’re supposed to go there to pray. And I believe that most people are praying while they’re there.

I was taught that praying is “talking with God” and I really like praying, actually.

But I’ve notice something about my prayer life recently, and then I read something and I was like, “I shall tell the blog!”

And I even decided to illustrate using wire.

Which is a cool idea.

Except that I’m not exactly exceptionally talented at using wire.

Sorry. I did mah best.

This is what I made for you.

This is what I made for you.

It is a heart.

Before you go off judging, know that I based this off of the anatomical heart model, not the Hallmark model.

Anatomical heart. This source is actually pretty cool, if you like the science. "I only believe in Science."  Name that movie.

Anatomical heart. This source is actually pretty cool, if you like the science. “I only believe in Science.”
Name that movie.

So, again:

Heart.

Heart.

Pretend like this is my heart, for now. This is what it’s supposed to look like. This is where I should be when I start out at that chapel.

But, I’m not.

I’m here:

I took a bun

I took some papers and wrote all the things and concerns and complications that crowd my heart and I stuffed them in the wire-heart.

Because I come with all kinds of worries, you see.

To illustrate further, pretend like these black strips are fears that I carry, too.

To illustrate further, pretend like these black strips are fears that I carry, too.

So, my heart, full of concerns and fears and worries, looks more like this:
stuffed-heart

Why, hello.

It’s a tense, stressed, tight place to be, is it not?

And then, just to take it a step further, I wound the heart with twine:
wrapped

The twine represents the tension I carry in my shoulders, I guess. It represents my shortness of breath because I’m over here holding these worries and fears inside, carrying them around.

close-up-heart

And this, my friends, is what my heart looks like in the adoration chapel.

When we start, at least.

And then I sit there.

Sometimes I pray through a rosary.

But then I usually just sit and sit and sit.

I’ve started appreciating a little bit of time…just to let my heart unwind.

unwrapped

This is what I feel my heart does in the adoration chapel; I feel like it begins to unwind.

heartheartheart

And the longer I sit, the more I relax.

And the more I relax, the more sensitive I am to the presence of Jesus. And I look at Him and He looks at me.

And then I begin taking out the fears and telling Him about them.

And then I begin taking out the fears and telling Him about them.

And then we talk them through.

And He just tells me He loves me.

And my heart starts to clear.

And my heart starts to clear.

But it’s sometimes still a little squished.

So then I sit some more so that it can unwind some more.

And God is always, always, always good to me. He's always true.

And God is always, always, always good to me. He’s always true.

This, my friends, is what I’ve been doing in the adoration chapel recently.

But, I have felt a little weird, truthfully, sitting like a lump on a pew. Everyone around me is whispering prayers and rustling pages and there I am, doing nothing…just sitting. Sitting and sitting.

I don’t even say things to God at first.

I literally just sit. Feet apart with a royal stare-down with the Eucharist.

But, then I was assigned to research something at work and I came across this bit of awesome from Pope Francis to the catechists:

I ask you: How do you abide in the presence of the Lord? When you visit the Lord, when you look at the tabernacle, what do you do? Without speaking… “But I speak, I talk, I think, I meditate, I listen…” Very good! But do you let yourself be looked at by the Lord? Letting ourselves be gazed upon by the Lord. He looks at us and this is itself a way of praying. Do you yourselves be gazed upon by the Lord? But how do you do this? You look at the tabernacle and you let yourselves be looked at… it is simple! “It is a bit boring, I fall asleep”. Fall asleep then, sleep! He is still looking at you. But know for sure that he is looking at you!

🙂

Do you like that as much as I do?

“Do you let yourself be looked at my the Lord? He looks at us and this is itself a way of praying.”

Another smile. 🙂

I’m heading out to the chapel right now.

Maybe we’ll talk. Maybe we won’t.

Probably I’ll just sit there and let my heart unwind.

adoration

Take some time, sometime, and let your heart unwind.

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11 thoughts on “Many times when I’m in the chapel, I’m not “praying”

  1. This is so healthy and true. Good stuff, ‘Nell! One thing I would add is that our hearts must be filled with something. We can’t go around empty. So when we let our Heavenly Father take all those fears and cares and worries and hopes and dreams…well then, what is left? He does not leave us empty, He fills us up, yes? So be emptied of yourself, be made perfect, and be filled again with the Holy Spirit and all of our awesome God’s everything for us. 😀

    Or at least, that’s the goal. “It’s a work in progress, it’s gonna get better.” (<- name that movie!) -Side note, I do so love how the New Testament talks about how we are holy, we are being made holy, and we will be holy. We've got it, we're being worked on, we will have it. SIMULTANEOUSLY. Praise God. Amen.

    • Usually, about 55 minutes into my holy hour I’m like, “OK. I’m ready now. What do you want to tell me?”

      And more often than not it’s, “I love you. That’s what I want you to know.”

      It just takes me 55 minutes to get there. 🙂

      Thanks for the comment! (I AM GOING TO SEE YOU SO SOON.) (If the Lord wills it). (Happy Halloween!)

  2. Pingback: State of the Union, 2014 | Seashell Nell

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